The day when nothing happened..

I still remember like it was yesterday ,the first day I saw your face ,still have inside my head your words playing over and over again the same old song,I still remember how much I used to love you...how can I forget everything we passed,everything we had, and most important ,how can I forget how many things you left behind when you decided to lie?!?If is there a way to forget all that ,please let me know because I can`t fight these demons I have inside of me,I am way too weak to face them in this moment,all I want is to lay down on the ground and sleep,maybe I`ll wake up in few hours,maybe tomorrow,or next day...or I won`t wake up at all...who knows?!? But I hope I still have a bit of luck and I won`t wake up at all...the best thing that can happen to both of us...
Once again I`ve lost all the trust I`ve had in people,once again I am down on my knees ,watching myself how I`m wasting all my time crying for this love that was never true,maybe it was in me,but in you it was only another reason to creat more lies around you...and it hurts so bad,it kills me bit by bit because I wish I could go back and change something...change what,change who,me...you?!?I don`t even know what I need to change,you were my reason to be,even though it was a lie,your love was my ray of light...and in the end it left me full of scars,wondering in the dark...oh,how I wish I could know,I wish I could see more or at least see different...I wish I could have the power to see what piece doesn`t fit in our painting and throw it away...but I`m still weak and small...I feel sorry for myself,that`s why I gave up on trying I guess,that`s why I`m just sitting here,doing nothing at all,just watching you,how you like to pretend that everything`s alright,how you fake every single smile and work on every word to make it look perfect,you are so perfect,you love me so much,and me...oh my God, im so full of issues and crazy thoughts...and yeah I am stupid and blind because I`m still here,next to you,because after all I still can`t leave you behind me,you fucking jerk,you still have that power on me,to put me on my knees over and over again...and you like so much to use it,you let me make few steps ahead then you pull the leash throwing me on the ground again...and I hate you so much,that much that maybe one day I`ll go crazy for good and I`ll put a knife in that dirty heart of yours,anyways you have it there for nothing...you really make me sick...and oh, how I wish I could say all this in your face,let all my rage blow and just leave...I will find my way somehow,don`t you worry,and I`ll bring you down on your knees just like you did with me so many times,I will smile again,I will find myself one day, and walk away...but still I am too weak and small..I`m just sitting on the floor,watching your perfect moves,in this perfect day...another day,another nightmare,and again...nothing happened out here...

I adore you...

In this moment words just start to fall on the ground because nothing in this world can help me explain how big my love for you is and why I love you like this...those eyes of yours,that beautiful heart that helped me heal my soul so many times...how can I get away from this,how can I leave you behind and walk away?!?I wish things were easy for me and you,I wish we could have our world,where this distance will fade away,I wish I could hold you at least one time,at least in my dreams...so many things I want to change and still,I wouldn`t change you for nothing in this world,I wouldn`t change these feelings I have,I wouldn`t give this love away no matter what,through good and bad,always together,always close,no matter how far...And now,after all this time is like the first time I saw you,everything is spinning around you,my world is starting with you and ends with you because I can`t see life without you,a small me in a big world...alone,sad and almost dead...please,please my love,don`t let me go...
I love you more and more with every second that slowly runs from me...one day...that day is so close...

Nimic de spus...

Era inca noapte,inca se auzeau chemarile mute ale zanelor printre florile dulci-amarui de salcam…de ce dimineata intarzie sa apara,de ce tocmai acum cand am nevoie de razele de lumina sa ma trezeasca,sa imi arate ca mai am motive sa respir ?!?Unde…cum…cand…milioane de intrebari se invart in mintea mea…dar sunt atat de obosita,m-am pierdut pe drum si am uitat cine sunt,tot ce pot face este sa raman aici langa mine,sa ma privesc cum repet aceasi greseala inca o data si inca o data…cum stau acolo pe marginea ferestrei si incerc sa plang…ciudat nici sa plang nu mai pot,nu mai simt racoare noptilor de mai,nu mai pot visa in culori,poate daca as putea sa dorm pentru o secunda macar,poate atunci visele m-ar lasa sa ma pierd in acele lumi in care obisnuiam sa ratacesc pe vremea cand inca eram copil,cand totul era definit in nuante de negru si violet,zilele mele cu ploi si noptile purpurii cu zane si flori de salcam…le-am pierdut pe toate,am ramas cu nimic,chiar si starile de rau s-au dizolvat,nu mai pot simti nimic,totul vine si trece cu o viteza uluitoare si eu raman cu nimic…sunt inca aici,ma privesc cum stau pe marginea ferestrei cautand raspunsurile in stele,in luna ,ele sunt acolo sus de atata timp,au vazut totul,poate stiu totul si totusi…nu au raspunsurile ce le caut… inca ma pierd in intuneric…inca se aud cantarile zanelor printre florile dulci-amarui de salcam,iar eu…inca mai astept razele de soare,ultimele sperante…si totusi…e inca noapte…

Si ingerii mor...

Timpul vindeca toate ranile si spala toate greselile trecutului,la fel cum ploaia asta rece spala florile de salcam,lasandu-le parca mai parfumate,mai albe,mai dulci...si totusi timpul nu face decat sa acopere cu praf acele rani,lasandu-le prada infectiei,lasand raul sa se imprastie in toate colturile sufletului,paralizand totul in jur...iar noi...noi suntem bine,nu-i asa iubirea mea?!?Am trecut prin apa si foc,am fost o singura scanteie si ne-am facut una cu universul...eram acolo sus,era perfect,cand de fapt nimic in lumea asta nu e perfect...si am incetat sa mai plutim,am picat cu o viteza ametitoare in cel mai adanc abis si toate usile s-au inchis in urma noastra...imperiul nostru minunat, ridicat pe o fundatie inchipuita,nascuta din minciuni,a inceput sa se prabuseasca incetul cu incetul , pana in momentul in care am fost striviti de propriile noastre fantasme,inchipuiri amare ale unei iubiri ce nu a existat niciodata...si totusi suntem fericiti...suntem asa pentru ca nu mai stim sa fim altcumva,pentru ca am trait numai in acest delir,pentru ca nu avem puterea de a omora acest demon pe care l-am creat in dorinta de a avea iubirea perfecta...de aceea nu putem pleca,de aceea nu te pot lasa in urma mea,la fel cum nici tu nu poti pleca de langa mine,acum este prea tarziu,acum suntem amandoi piese in acest demon,acest monstru pe care noi il numim iubire si care intr-un final o sa ne mistuie pe amandoi in flacarile propriilor noastre pacate... cum poate ceva ce aduce lumina acolo unde-i intuneric sa ne arda atat de puternic incat sa ne lase orbi si nestiutori,cum poate iubirea sa ne lase muti tocmai atunci cand cuvintele sunt cersite cu disperare,cum poate sa ne incatuseze in acelasi trup bolnav si totusi sa nu ne lase amintirile?!?Esti tot ce iubesc,tot ce cunosc in lumea asta...si totusi...cine esti tu,inger invaluit in negru si disperare,nu te stiu de nicaieri,nu te simt nicicum,te vreau parte din mine si totusi sunt la un pas de a fugi spre nicaieri,departe de tine...am mintit atat de mult incat am uitat cine sunt de fapt,de ce mai sunt inca aici,ce astept,oare este acel miracol menit sa ma salveze si sa ma duca din nou acolo sus ,in luna?!?Poate,dar pana atunci,inca o noapte trebuie sa treaca peste noi,suntem inca aici,imbratisati,invaluiti in negru,fericiti in nebunia noastra,prea slabi pentru a mai zbura din nou,prea obositi pentru a mai renaste pentru o noua iubire,o iubire curata,perfecta...asa cum visam pe vremea cand ochii tai erau stralucitori iar eu te adoram pentru caldura ce o aduceai sufletului meu...e prea tarziu...e prea tarziu...